moving on...

in our existence.. we will meet different kinds of people. we'll have a chance to get to know them.. but its up to us if we're gona let them into our lives. sometimes u get blinded by the instant connection or maybe attraction... that u fail to see his true self.

jus when i thought that i knew someone very well... one day his true identity was finally revealed. things had to happen.. and hit me in the head... before i realized that what he showed was jus a mere facade. now im all wonderin if what i had with him was real.. or was it jus make pretend.. and he never really loved me. we used to be happy and it felt like a beautiful dream.. but it ended up badly.. and it became a nightmare. how cud i have not known from the start that it was too good to be true..he's jus like the other guys, who left me too. i thought he was different, but he proved me wrong. but finally i have awaken from this terrible dream. i see things more clearly.. and now i know what to do. the role he played in my life is over... and its time to let go and move on with my life...

REALIZATION IN LIFE...

REALIZATION IN LIFE... a lesson learned...(a new beginning)
Current mood: contemplative

in my 22 years of life... i have experienced happiness and sorrow, feeling of emptiness and contentment, love and pain. there were times i felt bliss & thought it would last... and times i feel so down and i jus wana run away and forget about everything. but sometimes there are people who makes me feel worse... even when im already down on my knees & felt defeated.. Sadness, emptiness, and pain is an inevitable part of life.. everyone is gonna go through it.. and we just have to deal with it.

people come in & out of ur life... and as much as you dont wana lose someone, u gotta learn to let go and move on. everything happens for a reason, and as much as i hate to admit it.. its true. there will be people who will come into your life and stay for a while.. then they leave. it hurts... but you jus gotta understand that they were jus there so u can learn from the experience... to test ur faith.. and to teach u how to be stronger. u can keep the good memories... but u gotta get over it somehow. then there are people who will always be there for u.. those who will always be a part of ur life.

i am not getting any younger.. and yea i feel lonely without someone to share my dreams with. no one is there to brighten my day... to comfort me.. support me... accept me.. and love me for who i am. at the same time, im also scared of bein alone.. or end up dying alone. but i realize, being with a special someone is not the only thing that can make me feel happy & be content. i have my family and i have true friends who I treasure.. and most of all I have God in my life. in time, i will meet the right person and it'll be worth the wait...

There are better things out there... there's a rainbow at the end of this gloomy tunnel. we shud appreciate the beauty of our existence and the precious life God gave us. it is important to find ur true self and know who u really are... learn to love yourself without being conceited & narcissist... know what u want in life.. and see the bigger picture. a broken heart, a scraped knee, failing a class or anything bad that happens shouldn't let you down and keep you from enjoying life, achieving ur dreams, and bein successful in life. its just a bump in the road.. so just be strong... stand firm... and you'll be past that bump in time. yes, it takes time to heal. but in order to go on with ur life, the first thing to do is accept what happened and deal with it. coz if you don't... then you will be stuck there thinking you can never move on.  there's nothing wrong to be sad about it once in a while.. until you're completely over it and moved on to someone or something better. I realized I've had enough of the sulking and the pain, and I deserve much more than this.. sometimes, more bad things had to happen first and hit u in the head before u realize uve been staring at the closed door for too long. yea, it will cause u more pain.. but as soon as u realize its not worth it, you can finally let go of it. and so I did, and now im partly free... and i cud finally start moving on...

when one get hurt, some people hold grudges... get even... cuss them... or wish bad things will happen. but im not that kind of person... I am better than that. Its hard to forget.. but I forgive those who have done me wrong even if they haven't asked for forgiveness. if God can forgive, so can I. someday.. they will realize what they have done... learn from their mistakes.. and hopefully they will change and be a better person. as I cry my heart out tonite I would let go of the thing that holds me back.. I would let go of the pain and let it out along with my tears. Its time for a fresh new start... a time to enjoy life... a time for a new beginning.

For all my friends who never get tired of bein there for me and listening to all my dramas... thank you so much. I love u all and I cud never be more grateful to God for such blessings like you... 

My boyfriend is leaving in a month and a half... he's going to seattle for school and join the military. it hurts so much.. coz i know we're gona have to break up when he leaves. i love him.. and its hard for me to let him go but i have to. this is a poem i wrote about my feelings... feel free to leave comments. ill update about my life soon...

The pain of letting you go…

I’m really happy for you… it’s true

But my heart is crying, coz you’re gonna be leaving

What am i gonna do without you by my side?

I guess these are the feelings i cannot hide

I wish i can do something to make you stay

I don’t want you to go so far away

But this is what you want so i’ll let you be

Coz i know its gonna make you happy

I know we still have a few weeks before you leave

But time flies by swiftly, & one day it’ll come

It could be the worst day of my life

As i watch you leave out of my sight

It’s hard for me to let you go

I’m scared to let my feelings show

I don’t know how i’m gonna handle it when you finally leave me

Coz deep inside this pain is killing me

I want you to know i don’t regret anything (I hope u don’t too)

The love we have shared is something i’ll always cherish

Good luck in everything, you deserve to be happy

Keep in touch and don’t you ever forget about me…

I will miss you so much (I hope u will too)

I don’t know how its gonna be without your touch

Who’s gonna make me smile? Who’s gonna make me happy?

Who’s gonna be there to make me feel safe and comfort me?

A part of my life is gonna be missing when you leave

I don’t know how long i’m going to grieve

But i have no choice but to accept it

I will have to move on with my life and deal with it

I have fallen so deeply in love with you

That’s why it’s gonna be hard for me to get over you

But there’s nothing i can do

I just pray to God to help me cope with my life without u…

Letting you go is not gonna be very easy

And because i love you,  one day i will set u free

If you come back to me, it’s meant to be

If not, then there is someone else out there for me…

REACHING OUT (Gary V.)

I.
What must I do to make you understand?
You mean everything to me
Don't have the strength to say
Give this heart of mine a chance
And maybe then you will see

REFRAIN 1:
And I'll do anything, do anything that you tell me
And I'll be there, I'll be there if you need me

CHORUS 1:
Reachin' out to you
Do you feel it too?
Loving you is all I wanna do
I'm completely sure
I've never felt this way before
When I smile you know that there is something more

II.
What must I do so I can make you see?
The light that shines in my eyes
You brighten up my day
You even help me find my way
I wish you're always by my side

REFRAIN 2 :
And I can't stop, don't know how to stop thinkin' of you
And I'll do anything, do anything to be near, near you

CHORUS 2:
Reachin' out to you
Do you feel it too?
Loving you is all I wanna do
I'm completely sure
I've never felt this way before
Deep inside you know that there is something more

REPEAT CHORUS 2

Deep inside you know that there is something more